another new blog!

okay, inspired by recent blog/log upheaval and friend kai, i've decided to give this blogging thing one more go! i'm not gonna move all old blog posts over here. too embarrassing! *LOL* ironically, last time i moved blogs (to write all of 2 posts), this is what i said:

"i've moved all the posts over from the old site. admitteldy, moving some of the early ones was painful. jesus christ. i was so stupid. so immature, like a teenager. at the same time, some of them had such a wide-eyed innocence to it (them being posts -- am i expected to be coherent now?); such an idealism that i'm afraid i've become cynical in the years between 9/2000 and 11/2006. six years, jesus christ. a lot has happened."

that's still true. 'cept now most the 2006 posts are also cringe-inducing! and some are so cringe-inducing i've left them behind! i guess it's a good thing that i cringe now: means i'm growing up. or something.

however, to inaugurate newblog, i present the following image of lawlness!

epic awesome dream!

this dream was from 11/08. this is the gmail i typed to jess the morning after i dreamt it *LOL*


dude, i had the most AWESOME, EPIC, STORYLINE dream last night. it was so awesome that when the alarm woke me, i lay there just trying to engrave as much of it into my brain before it slipped away *LOL* i still lost big chunks of it, as well as the awesome dream-logic that tied it together, but this is what i remember (doubtlessly with waking-logic tying the parts together) --

i was like... a member of this huge family, part russian aristocracy, part sicilian mafia, part roman aristocracy. as in, ANCIENT ROMAN *LOL* i mean, the "feel" of it was very Godfather, but at the same time we lived in like this huge dacha-type estate out in the country, and there was a bit of a late 19th century feel to it all. but the cars and technology seemed to be from the mid-to-late 20th century. and at the same time there was a pirate-y/naval feel to the family, because our firepower lay in huge, enormous ships that were sort of reminiscent of 17th century galleons on steroids, as well as biplanes. so it was like this giant mishmash of eras and stuff.

anyway, my grandfather was the patriarch of the family, and i was his firstborn grandson and therefore heir to the family, but i was sort of a prodigal son, and there were like... TONS of other cousins, some near, some very very distant, many of whom were in higher favor than me. i had grown up abroad or something, so while i was theoretically the first in line, i actually wasn't very close to my grandfather, and in my absence my snaky cousins had been currying favor.

okay, that's the setup. now the action!

at the beginning of the dream, i was returning to my grandfather's estate after years and years away from the fold. i was going back there after a long long time because i think my grandfather's foster son (who was inexplicably german, even though i was pretty sure we were either roman or russian) was visiting as well, and he decided to call all the brood back. so i take this LONG trip, from early morning train ride to this car drive through a gorgeous countryside in the afternoon, all the way to the seashore where the estate is by evening.

once i'm there it turns out my best friend was apparently one of my first cousins, but in my dream he was actually an illegitimate child or something, or at least a son of a previous marriage (his mother being not of the family), so that even though he was theoretically more or less next in line to me, he was excluded from the 'lineup'. his brother, however (in my dream he had a brother, not a sister *LOL*), was a fullblooded grandson, and was essentially my rival. and once i see this, i get all competitive and i kinda decide i'm going to stay until i reclaim my birthright.

some opening shots are fired -- this is all murky for me now so i can't remember exactly what happens, but all the scheming is kinda under the surface, and at the surface there's just this almost-imperceptible tension between me and my main rival of a cousin. meanwhile there's a big celebration in honor of the foster grandson, who's totally oblivious to the undercurrents around him, and like, night after night of festivities.

sometime in the course of those festivities, i meet this chick who i believe is like, the LOVE OF MY LIFE. or maybe i'd brought her with me from abroad. i'm not totally clear, because she's not actually the LomL *LOL* but i think she is! and we're all In Love. also in the dream's cast of hot females are 1) this sort of cheerfully slutty but good-hearted chick, and 2) this sort of distant, elegant, ice queen chick who i can't really read, but i suspect might be jostling for position in the family too, and therefore one of my dangerous rivals.

and yes, they're both DEFINITELY my dream-cousins. but for the sake of my sanity i'm gonna tell myself they are veryveryvery distant cousins *LOL* and anyway! ROMAN/RUSSIAN ARISTOCRACY! KEEP IT ALL IN THE FAMILY! WAUGH!

*gets over it*

so, yes. while opening shots are getting fired and i'm getting reintroduced to grandfather, i'm also kinda wasting all my time dallying with the LOML. and then!!! during one of the big fancy parties, the LOML gets kidnapped or something. like, my best friend comes to me totally grim and tells me the LOML has disappeared. and that i'd received a sort of sadistic serial-killer-game sort of phone call with clues and whatnot, which my best friend had received instead of me because i'd been at the party but he was excluded.

so we break off our partying to deal with the crisis. and for some reason i'm completely sure it's the hot ice queen chick who's responsible for all this (rather than the more obvious suspect of my #1 rival, aka best friend's half-brother), so i go to confront her in like this... posh drawing room type place, and i'm totally furious. and we yell at each other for a while, hurling blame and recriminations and yeowza mega sexual tension, until suddenly we kinda OMGMAGNETGLOMP together. insert very hot sex. and then afterwards, rather guilty about my untimely betrayal of the KIDNAPPED LOML, esp cuz there's sort of a time limit on the whole thing, we set out in search of her.

this part kinda gets a little fuzzy again. somehow the german fostercousin is helping, as is my best friend, and we're like... tromping the beach (where there are some super-posh... ... i dunno, glass houses? *LOL* sorta a cross between a lifeguard station, a see through beach cabin, and a greenhouse) and the streets of this sorta london-esque city, and all the while subtle sparks are flying between me and the icequeen (including this sorta poignant moment where we all link hands to cross a dangerously busy street -- apparently in my dream, STREETS ARE HOMICIDAL!! -- and then afterwards, the two of us hold hands a little longer than necessary without either of us making any mention of it), and i'm like, lustlustlust, guiltguiltguilt.

eventually it's well into the night, and we kinda give up and go home. more sex occurs in illicit corners of the house, and then afterwards i'm like, torn between this guilt that i'm cheating on the girl that's been KIDNAPPED and is possibly GETTING KILLED RIGHT NOW, and this utterly inescapable realization that in fact, kidnapped girl is not the LOML, the ice queen is. and once i realize that, there's like, no guilt. i'm just UBER HAPPY -- but at the same time i had this odd feeling that the happy wouldn't last? so, to take advantage of the moment, more sex happens.

so anyway. then! i think it's like the next morning, or at least time to search again. and then -- it's blurry again, but i think the general gist is the ex-LOML DIES. so i fly into this rage of guilt and grief, and i blame the true LOML for it, and we basically suffer an extremely bitter breakup.

so now i'm single again, with one dead ex-LOML and one angry LOML. a few days or weeks go by in my dream. the german goes home to germany, while i stay at my grandfather's estate. more scheming occurs, and gradually i wake up to the fact that hey, it's probably the best friend's half brother that's behind this mess. meanwhile, in vicious petty-nesses, i go and sleep with the slutty cheerful chick, while the true-LOML/ice queen goes and vengeance-sleeps with the half-brother. which of course makes me UTTERLY FURIOUS. anyway, lots and lots of competitive sex occurs at this point, complete with me telling myself i'm totally not in love with the LOML and whatnot.

meanwhile, on the plotting front, things are building to a head. and when a showdown basically becomes inevitable, i go to confront the LOML again about her potential role in the schemes (ostensibly, anyway), but of course as soon as we're alone together (this time in one of the uberposh bathrooms, where i think she was putting on her perfume or something, cuz there were little glass vials everywhere), i'm like, totally overcome with omglust and we MAGNETGLOMP together again. and as YET MORE SEX occurs, i'm just thinking -- omfg, LOML, WITHOUT A QUESTION.

and then! i think the poor slutty-cheerful-nice-chick walks in on us! and i'm like ACK! and she's like WAH! and then of course i go chasing after her, and she's like, WAH, i knew you never loved me, but i never thought you were just USING ME! WAH!!! and i'm like aw but i think you're nice! and she's like F U, LEAVE ME ALONE!

so i do. and i go back to the LOML, and we kinda sit together gloomily, trying to figure out what to do next, and trying to figure out where the other stood, exactly, on the whole power-grab.

then!!! i get news (again from bestfriend, the messenger of bad things!) that the poor sluttycheerfulnice chick has been kidnapped! and it's like the same deal -- we have a set amount of time to free her or she dies. and we're tromping through the streets again, but then the killer (my bestfriend's halfbro?) CHEATS, the bastard, or at least pretends to cheat, and we get a phone call WAY ahead of schedule that it's too late and we've failed. and i go fuming back to the estate to kill the smug bastard once and for all -- and i walk in on yet another grandiose ball because it seems the ever-celebrated german fostercousin has returned.

and -- i run into him, and he's like finally getting a sense of the tumult beneath the exterior. and he's like, "Your people are really very complex, aren't they?"

and my alarm goes off. AND I NEVER FIND OUT HOW IT ENDED!!! *LOL*