how is he not dead?


i did my annual pilgrimage down to so-cal over thxgiving week to visit old friends. drove back today. the leg from LA to palm springs and back, i drove with lily. the leg from SF to LA (and LA to SF on the return trip), i drove with a friend of mine.

now. coming down, i let him drive the central valley stretch. about 2 hrs of DEAD EASY driving. just two lanes northbound two lanes southbound -- STRAIGHT as an arrow. easy traffic.


1) apparently does not understand the meaning of "high revving engine". a high revving engine is one where the RPMs soar easily to get you into the "sweet spot" sooner. the redline is high -- 8000rpm -- but in normal driving, you still shift at 2750rpm or so, just as usual. this means you shift much sooner than a normal stickshift car might. i.e., 10mph is the 1-->2 shift, 20mph is the 2-->3, etc etc. you can EASILY coast in 6th gear at 45mph, though if you wanted the extra oomph, you could stay in lower gears for brief power bursts.

this idiot, despite my REPEATED admonishments, stayed in 1st until 20mph. he stayed in 2nd until 35mph. 3rd was somewhere around 45. 4th was around... 60. 5th was about 75. 6th gear, he sometimes forgot altogether. and other times, he'd DOWNSHIFT into 4th trying to hit 6th.


now as if that wasn't bad enough, he also:

2) swerved. for no fucking apparent reason. every 3 min or so. and then! he started reaching for food behind the seat... GOING 85MPH... while passing a HUGE semi... while SWERVING one-handed.


and yet, somehow, i thought it would be a good idea to let him drive TODAY, when traffic was GODAWFUL. you'd get stretches of 70-80mph. then out of the blue you'd get 20mph, or even 0mph. you really need to hang back from the car in front of you and be ready to brake to a DEAD STOP for no apparent reason. and i had my reservations about letting him drive and all... but i figured if i got us through the mtns and onto the straightaway, even a moron like him couldn't fuck it up too bad.

lo, was i ever wrong.

so coming down the long, long hill into the central valley -- the traffic slows to a standstill. this MORON (who is, once again, going 60mph in 4th gear) KEEPS. ACCELERATING.

it was like he couldn't see the long line of red brake lights in front of him. he just never got off the gas until the LAST POSSIBLE INSTANT, upon which he SLAMS on the brakes and comes to a hard stop about 4 inches from the car in front of us.

i'm like, "dude, be careful."

he's like, "okay!"

and i figure, well, maybe it's just a freak mistake. i'm sure he'll be scared straight now.

10 min later? he does it again. accelerating at brake lights.

so i'm like, "DUDE, you're going to crash my car."

he's like, "it's not my fault! i didn't know they'd stop!"

i'm like, "you better get used to it. it'll happen again."

and 10 min after that? cars in front of us suddenly show red for like a half mile. it is OBVIOUS TO A BLIND MAN that they're going to slow to a crawl, if not a standstill.

this fucker is staring right at the traffic. and he keeps accelerating. and i'm feeling bad for ragging on him, so i hold my tongue.

and he doesn't slow down.

and the cars in front of us are coming at us REALLY FAST now.

and he's still going 65mph and accelerating.

and finally i realize if i don't say something his ass is going to crash. so i'm like "FUCK! SLOW DOWN!"

and he's like, "FUCK! OH SHIT!" SLAMS on the brakes. i feel the antilock kicking in, and the car is still about to go out of control, and he's swerving all over the road, and it's a FUCKING MIRACLE that he doesn't hit the guy on the side.

he screeches to a stop literally TWO INCHES from the car in front of us. he's like hyperventilating like a little bitch: "oh my god! oh my god! what HAPPENED!"


he's like, "it's not my fault!"

i'm like IT HAPPENED THREE FUCKING TIMES. so i have him pull the fuck over, and i drive the rest of the way.

13 hr drive. i drove 12 of them. and the hour i DIDN'T drive was hands-down the most stressful.

i don't understand how idiots like him can still be alive in our car-centric society. i really do not understand how someone can be THAT BAD at driving, and not have crashed and burned already. though honestly, this isn't just being bad at driving. it's like the part of your brain that processes depth perception and speed information is MISSING from him. he seemed to have NO grasp whatsoever of how fast the cars in front of him were accelerating ... or braking. furthermore, he seemed to be fucking colorblind. red lights all ahead, and this moron is ON THE GAS. and to top it all off, he had NO LEARNING ABILITY. you could explain it to him 10 times, and he could FUCK UP 3 times, and still never learn.

jesus fucking christ. such a fucking fishheaded IDIOT.