et spiritus sancti.

Geez, figures. I spend all this time getting an online diary, and then realize I don't know what the hell to write in it. What DOES one write in an online diary? Kinda an intimidating task, if you think about it. Here it is: online diary. Infinite blank pages, just waiting to be written on. And everything you write could theoretically be seen by EVERYONE in the world. Scary.

So what do I write in this?

Hi, my name is Damon. I was born in December and I like pizza.

Hi, my name is Damon, and I just saw the most beautiful sunset in my life.

Ah, there's a way to start. I can rant from that. Someone once told me I rant (babble, go off) wonderfully. Very...what was the word? Uh. C'mon, think--it's at the tip of my tongue, and I can't remember it. The same person that said I ranted very whimsically (THAT's what it was! Whimsical!) said that's what all of life is. Something that's at the tip of your tongue, corner of your eye, deep in your head, and you can feel it, but you can't describe it, grasp it, take hold of it. Life's an ever-fleeing thought.

I'm not sure I always understand everything she says, but I love what she says anyway because she has the most ...*fascinating* ideas.

But anyway. Back to the sunset. I always say that, ya know? That thing about the most beautiful sunset in the world. I see a sunset, and I think it's the most beautiful in the world. Then I see the next...same thing happens. And on and on. What does this mean, anyway? Is this, what, some sort of indication of my basal instability, indecisiveness, capriciousness?

Ya know, modern psychology sucks sometimes. Fuck you, Freud! Freud? Frued? Great, I can't even spell anymore. Freud. yeah. I just had to look away for a minute. Sometimes that happens. You look at something, and it looks wrong, even though you know it's right...you look again, two minutes later, and it looks right.

But, okay. I've decided something. I hate psychology. The whole therapy shit, at least. Labeling people. You're anal-retentive, he's manic depressive. I like the idea of psychology, of course. It was one of my favorite courses in college. I like probing human minds, figuring out what makes people tick, I guess. But--making it into a science?

The human mind, a science?

Bullshit!

--not to mention, a science that seems bent on finding all the problems in your head? Shit. We have enough problems. We don't need someone to point them all out, and we do NOT need to blab them to said person, and hope by doing so, said person can fix it all. Therapy, my ass. Therapy teaches us to rely on others, doubt ourselves, that sorta stuff.

I don't believe in therapy. It's a great idea--figuring out the human mind--but it just seems too damn negative for me. Maybe that's just cuz I don't see it in its fullness, or something. But like I said, I don't like how it limits us. Psychology tells us we're all flawed, flawed from birth and childhood, and the only chance we have at fixing ourselves is to empty our pockets and open our darkest secrets to some bored stranger. Fuck that, I say! I'm one of those folks who think people can do anything they put their minds to.

Ever see Gattaca? There is no gene for the human spirit, stuff like that? Well, I think whoever thought up that slogan was mentally impaired. There, that's my official anti-therapy doctor's opinion. I have a better slogan for it. "There is nothing the human spirit cannot overcome." THAT's what the movie's about, and I love it for that.

Not to mention Uma Thurman has never looked better...

BTW, folks, I rant on this all the time. This human spirit stuff. You'll hear it often if you keep up with me. This is a belief I hold dearer than any other, I think, and really, it's the basis of all my other beliefs. Yeah, yeah, I'm an optimist, I couldn't be bitingly sarcastic the way some of my favorite people could if my life depended on it, but hey--ya can't change that.

I believe in human creativity.

I believe in human capacity.

I believe in the human mind.

I believe in the human spirit.

I believe in the ultimate beauty of the human soul.

I believe in humanity.

Man, that sounds pretty good. Maybe I'll put it up on my homepage, huh?

So, yeah. The sunset. See, I have a point to all this...

I say I think the sunset is beautiful because it is. Cuz hey, look, I survived another day, I've lived another day, lived to see another thousand new things, lived to feel the sunlight fade from the sky. I've lived. Hey, I believe in life, too. I believe in all sortsa shit. Maybe I shoulda been a hippie poet or something. Right now, that doesn't sound too bad. It's the weekend, but I'm exhausted, I have the flu, and I have another, oh, three years of residency ahead of me. I bet it'd be better to be a hippie poet. A drifter. See the sunset in California today, hitchhike east and be in Arizona tomorrow just in time for the sunrise. Stuff like that.

Okay, server's dead. Rebooting time.

End rant.