roadtrip rants! (ii)

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CA-111 North:

leaving palm springs now, leaving the desert. it's amazing, you can actually get very used to this sorta temperature. it's like a hundred degrees or more every single day, but... it doesn't feel that bad. i think it's cuz it's so dry here. i mean obviously it's still nicer to be at home, like indoors. but the thing is when you're outside and you're not doing anything -- if you run around you're gonna get heat exhaustion -- but if you don't run around, if you just sit there, it's almost kinda enveloping, the heat. so, you almost... i got used to it. i liked it. i think i'm even gonna miss this sort of heat, sitting out there. it's very much a decadent sorta heat, where you can just ... sit, and soak it in.

heading north again, back to the grind and the shit and all that. work. it was very relaxing, these few days. i was always running around, but it was mentally relaxing. all i did was chill. so it was good.

probably oughta a coupla words about the desert. it's this incredible... this bleak land. i mean, you have green, but it's obviously fake, and everything else is just sunscorched tan, kinda like khaki, and everything's that color, the mountains are that color. there's actually a lotta mountains here. i take that back, not all the mtns are that color. when the mtns are in shadow, they're very dark, black. when they're in the sun they're kinda (hic) dust-color. and the (hic) hills (hic) are kinda tan (hic) ugh, i'm hiccuping. so yeah, the ones close to us are kinda this lighter tan, the ones back farther are darker tan, and the ones in shadow are black. the mtns are actually surprising high. we're kinda in this basin surrounded by mtns. very high wind off to my left here as i'm going north.

jagged mtns, kinda rocky looking. no plant on them. very barren and scorched, flat under the sky. which is actually dusty. it's not a clear blue sky, very dusty -- my car is full of sand.

what else can i say about this land? it's HOT. something you can't ever forget. every minute you're

outside you're conscious, constantly aware of the heat that just envelopes you. it doesn't feel a hundred the way it feels a hundred out on the coast where it's hot and humid, but it's definitely still there, like this weight on you. if you don't move, if you just stay still, it's actually very comforting if you just let it surround you. it makes you very tired, sucks all the energy out of you. so you just lay there. i suppose if you kept laying there you'd eventually die (laughs) -- so i'm gonna get outta here before that happens to me.

definitely a desert here. mile upon mile of open desert land. i wish i had a camera. turn around and take some pictures. instead of a camera i got this little recorder, which is much cheaper.

102 degrees -- ridiculous, isn't it? 102 degrees outside (laughs) i take a shower that hot.

the thing about the desert, everything's bleached. sunbleached, windblasted, sandblasted, faded. even new things start to look old after a few months. freeway signs barely have any color left to them. people are the same. i mean you get tanned, but your hair gets bleached, eyes get bleached.

if i take my sunglasses off, this place is just white light under a blue sky. dazzling white light. i think it's some aspect of having no humidity in the air. and you can see these scars on the mtns, these roads, paler lines on pale. and just... desert, everywhere.

wish i was riding a train.

these mtns ring you all around. 1000 ft high? tallest peak, closest to us, i'd get 2-3000 ft. but there's one little pass in the west where the highways are coming through. at night when the sun sets it's absolutely beautiful because you'd have these colors, these mtns, and they'd be layered in shades of purple and grey and blue. the sky behind will be just a fire, one of those so-cal sunsets that you really don't get in the north. i miss them a lot, those sunsets. i remember everytime i come back to so-cal, it'd look like... i'd always think it was some spectacular sunset that night, but it's not. that's just how it is. the southern sunsets are redder than the north. and you forget that, because you start thinking the ones up north are beautiful, but they're nothing like the ones down south.

the mtns, the shape of them are very ridged and defined. rumpled, kinda wrinkling up out of the earth. the hills are sorta rounded, but the shadowy mtns are definitely ridged. that's something i should try to remember too.

--

I-10 West:

Aw shit, freeway looks crowded.

Took my sunglasses off and you can't even keep your eyes open. if it's not the sun it's the wind if it's not wind it's the sand in the air. i can feel sand between my teeth, and i don't even know what from. all the windmills are going today, the windmills in the pass between the mtns. the big mtns on the left, the big ones on the right, this gateway to this desert land. through it, far away, the ocean. is it my imagination, or is the color of the sky different there? probably imagination, i'm too far away from the ocean to see it.

mtns on either side road in the middle flanked by all these windmills moving, not all in the same direction but all swinging with the same leisurely movement, and the freeway in the middle, cruising through. cars, the meandering freeway -- it's like a river.

right by those big mtns now, rearing up way high into the sky, and the rivulets where the rain -- i guess it does rain in the desert -- the rain in the desert has carved into the flesh of the mtn, laid it bare to the chalk bones beneath. curtained ridges at the bottom, folding up. always reminds me of some giant, the knees of it bending up its clothes.

climbing through the pass now. pretty low pass. coupla clouds in the sky, but mostly a sheathe of white, blue behind it.

here's a sight to remember. you come through the pass, and what you see -- you expect to see the ocean behind it. you do see something flat almost like the ocean, but it's not, it's the desert. and i think millions of years ago this was probably the ocean, 'cause that's what it looks like, and you can imagine these mtns on either side as islands. just this flatness, flat lands stretched between. road through it straight as an arrow. the bushes almost like ... i dunno, almost like patterns in the cloth. optical illusion makes it looks like they're strung out in lines, and you have more of those windmills turning.

distance here is deceptive. it's probably much farther than it looks.

you can see the pale veins in the mtns really are the rocks beneath. 93 miles to los angeles.

well, first traffic jam of the day, 3 o'clock, barely what, 20 miles outta palm springs? i think it's all these fucking people coming in from fucking, you know, whatever. brush fire off to my left here. 87 miles to los angeles. i'm pretty sure that's why we're stopped here, fucking tourists gawking at a fucking fire.

if it's like this all the way to LA, kill me.

okay this ROYALLY. FUCKING. SUCKS. i'm stuck in a FUCKING traffic jam on the I-10, far as i can see it's moving at this rate. this is the only way out of the desert. pretty sure we're in a jam right now because some FUCKER decided to look at a FUCKING fire outside. what the fuck, never seen a fire burn? i'll light your ass on fire (laughing).

well, out of the traffic jam suddenly. no reason to begin, no reason to end.

out of the desert now, brushland area: riverside, east of LA. 80 miles to LA central, maybe 75? through mesas and canyonland, very southern california.

huge interchange right here where the 10 goes under 1,2,3,4 levels of different freeway overpasses -- junction at 215.

you know you're going to LA when the sky gets overcast and yellow. LA: it's alll about the smog.

i really don't understand why american men are all fat, ugly, and have goatees these days. and they drive HUGE suvs. every huge SUV you see is gonna have an ugly fat american male in it. it's ridiculous. it's a fucking plague of them!

--

I-15 north:

leaving the 10 now, going north on the 15 to join 210 in a little bit. um... i could be going to SD here too because 15 south leads you right there. another overpass here, 4 levels.

i can see in the near distance, not even the far distance, the shape of the san bernadino mtns in the north. this is actually really familiar to me because when we went skiing when i was little, this is about where we'd turn off and head into the mtns. big bear up ahead, very tall. a shape in the mist right now -- well, not really mist. smog. LA smog.

--

I-210 west:

leaving the 15, leaving southern california, heading north. 210 now, circling the base of the mtns.

ha -- passed this red truck with a MOUTH on the grill, big teeth and a tongue.

circling the san bernadino mtns. they're very beautiful in this... (laughs) smoggy air, because you can see them in layers and layers, the closer ones in greater definition, the shape of their stones. in the back they're outlines, really, smoky against the sky. and in the far distance, you can baaarely see it against the sky. layer upon layer of mtns, and i'll be going through them in about... 30 minutes -- fuck this guy's almost coming over here!

i was talking about mtns there, waxing poetic, and this fucking bitch of a van almost came over in my lane and ran me over. so i beeped 'em.

high voltage wires stretching north to south -- i always wonder if these are the same ones i see later in the central valley.

such a sight to see: the mountains tumbling towards the sea.

weird, during the day you feel no kinship whatsoever to these other cars. you just sorta hate them. this one's too slow, that one's too fast... that one's riding your ass, this one's got a black tinted window so you can't see anything through it. that one's got an ugly american dude inside, this one's got an ugly hispanic dude inside, yaddayaddayadda on and on and on, you hate 'em all. and then night falls and all you see are the taillights, and suddenly they're all the same as you.

heading north now, at last -- i can see the opening, the break in the mtns where the 5 goes through.

fucker behind me. see if i can get him stuck behind me somehow. heh.

i had something of a crush on sarah mclachlan. largely on the tone of her voice, but she is a lovely woman. you don't realize at first, but she is. but yeah, her voice is so sensual. the way she sounds so wanton when her voice kinda... slip-slides and shears apart like that. when she goes into a higher register and deliberately lets it just... slip a little? like a hint that, although she's a respected, i dunno -- i think it's cuz she's very respected and intelligent, obviously, her ability to let it go a little bit like that is slightly seductive. it's almost like -- it's sorta like you think if she lets that go, what else would she do? like she lets down her hair a little bit, just enough for you to wonder.

something awesome and amazing about the freeway just belting through the mountains, curving through it, nothing but barren mtns and bushes on either side, and then 8 lanes of freeway and shoulders and everything just right through the middle. now i can see ahead of me layer upon layer of other mtns.

365 outta san francisco.

finally, golden state fwy. 5. 2 1/4 miles. i like that name, golden state fwy. i know it goes all the way up north, all the way to canada and back, but I-5's really one of those freeways i think of as a californian highway.

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I-5 North:

time is 4:59, sunday. and i'm once again on I-5 as of right now.

i just cut off this mitsubishi racer type. he's like sitting on my ass, kinda funny.

southbound 5 is MAJORLY stuffed up right here. INSANE traffic on the other side coming south.

so the guy that i cut off came back and cut me off. we kinda slid around for a while, and... then i think he went out of sight.

346 miles to sacramento.

mtns by day are golden brown, very parched and dry -- not quite the golden of nor-cal, more brown. so now we're in the middle of the mtns now, mtns all around, and there's this sense of height even though you can't see the ocean for reference. you can kinda sense it ... kinda in the color of the sky and the shape of the mtns, how they look like high-altitude mtns but they don't rear that high above you.

i remember this one time, coming down from san francisco in the winter. took the train, but the train actually stops at bakersfield and then you take a bus through the grapevine, and another train from LA to SD. i remember, i went through, taking this road in a bus. and strangely enough, that winter it was snowing -- oh look, it's a lake -- anyway, these mtns were just COVERED in snow, and these mtns were like, what, 2000 ft up? the snowline was incredibly low.

feel sorry for these southbound drivers. they have no idea what they're about to run into -- a HUGE traffic jam.

[oh, the irony.]

48 miles to bakersfield, 323 to sacramento.

even though we're 3000 ft in the air, it almost looks like a desert around there. i can see the pass, the opening where the mtns fall into the valley. and after that, the long long drive all the way up to the bay. you have the right side tumbling in first, and then the left -- and beyond that, just sky.

4144 ft, Tejon Pass.

it's beautiful -- golden mtns, and then in the middle you have this little pasture, this little meadow, full of cows.

309 to SF, 308 to sacramento, 38 to bakersfield.

ok, that was a false alarm. this is the true entrance to the valley. 5 miles on a 6% downgrade, here we go. shift into neutral and let 'er ride.

these hills look almost like a pelt, fuzzy almost in the difference between the highlights and the shadows.

wtf is the hurry? there's all these little sport sedans with little fucking yuppies that never had a day of fun in their lives ZOOMING past at 90mph. who the fuck cares, man? you're skimming what, half an hour off your trip? chill the fuck out.

here we go, my first glimpse of the central valley. the opening of the mtns and nothing but flatness ahead. incredible. the golden mtns falling away to both sides, and this basin in the middle, this endless valley. and I-5, straight as an arrow through it. you can see the fields, layer upon layer out to the horizon.

there's always a feeling of freedom when you come through the mtns and you see nothing but valley. amber waves of fuckin' grain, baby, nothing but the yellow of ripe grain. out on the horizon where it fades into indistinction it almost looks like an ocean out there.

just amazing, this flatness -- far as the eye can see. the mtns to the right falling away to nothing, past visibility. and in front of you, and eventually to all sides of you save one, nothing but flatness and farms.

we just split off from the 99 and we're going into the central valley now. 99 actually goes deeper into it, kinda into the heartland of california-- oh shit. (laughs) sudden stop. hope this isn't a fucking traffic jam.

oh, please don't have a traffic jam in the middle of the fucking, central, valley. insanely crowded on the 5. think i'm gonna take an hour's break or so at starbucks. hopefully by then this traffic will have cleared a bit.

this place is dazzling, just dazing.

300 miles of this open space, and that's just half of it. a person walks, what, 3mph? 100 hrs to walk it. if you walk 12 hrs a day, that's what... almost 9 days to walk from LA's side to SF, through the valley.

286 miles to san francisco.

here's the one first hill in the central valley. i always remember this one, mainly b/c it has no purpose whatsoever. i think maybe it's just letting some water under or something.

i remember when i was riding my dad's car i'd always look behind and wait for the moment i couldn't see the san bernadino mtns anymore.

someday i wanna take a roadtrip to the middle of america where there's absolutely nothing but flatness.

7:48 and i'm leaving buttonwillow after an hour and a half pitstop. stopped for some coffee, and apple fritter that's got me kinda sick from sweetness, and finally surfed the internet.

road's looking a lot better, not nearly so crowded. [this is called the eye of the storm.] sun's starting to set into the west, and 250 miles left to go, 3-4 hrs left to drive, if i'm lucky and it stays pretty empty all the way up.

over to the east i can see some thunderheads over the plains.

still pretty warm out there, easily 90 degrees.

this wide open road, this is what a roadtrip's all about.

here's the wires that followed me over the mtns, crossing over the freeway. northeast for them, northwest for me. sun's setting in my eyes.

can't explain why it feels so good, but it does. no cars in front of me or behind for at least half a mile. i'm just cruising along at 80mph. it's like freedom, you know? right now all that matters right now is me, the road, the distance, the sky.

247 miles to san francisco.

as the sun sets into the west you start to get that nice ruddy glow again, that ring of purple around the horizon, blue above, purple shadows of mtns in the west. jet streaking overhead and you see the flare coming off their tails. thunderheads in the east lit up in all those colors, the little thunderheads in the front and the big anvilheads in the back.

8:09 and the sun's about to set over the mtns.

so the san bernadino mtn range is completely out of sight now.

racing the sun in a way -- the sun's setting behind this mtn range, but if i go fast enough i'll beat it to the horizon.

here's a little truth about driving on the highway. if you drive behind a car, it's much easier going. if you're in the lead, you have to break a lot of headwind.

clouds all around lit up in different colors. shadows are the same color as the sky. the entire trip is all about this part of the drive, the central valley at dusk. sights and sounds, images and memories.

207 miles to san francisco, 8:30pm.

i think i just caught up with the vacation-goers again. once again stuck behind a long line of cars.

8:40, 805 miles total, of which 300 were ran today. i'm taking a break because the I-5 is again crowded, and i'm letting it pass. down by the place where 198 comes over. last time it took me four hours to get from here to stanford -- hopefully this time it'll take me less.

full dark now, 196 miles to san francisco, 9 o'clock sharp. and the fucking freeway is so crowded... oh well.

right here is where i came in last time -- 198, coalinga.

this song here, silence, is another one that has lots of meaning for me. it definitely does remind me of -- (laughing, wry) decker and imogen, since this was the song that was playing when that fabulous c'mere scene happened. it seems really appropriate, given the lyrics. when my rage subsides, something, silence, all that, yeah.

ugh, smells like cow around here. kinda pissing me off how busy this road is this weekend. one of these days i'll do a speedrun of the central valley, no pitstops, one end to the other.

stupid fucker had an accident, and stupider fuckers slow down to look.

like 70 fucking miles an hour on I-5, central valley. that's how crowded this fucking shit is, and you look ahead, like a string of red ahead. goddammit, fucking, gah! can't they go any faster? what the hell is wrong with them!?

now we're going 55.

now we're not moving at all!

passing a real beauty of a truck here, all those lights, all that chrome, mirrors.

tourists are such fucking idiots. go up a hill and they all start braking, and then everyone stops dead. for no particular reason things will just slow down. mainly cuz tourists overreact at every tiny little bump in the road because they have kids in the back, and they feel like they don't wanna kill their kids -- FUCKER!!! [shouting at some slowass minivan i was passing] -- so then, they brake, randomly.

167 from San Francisco.

fucking tourists brake over everything! it's like a fucking chain reaction! you see one light up, the one behind it lights up, and on and on and pretty soon they're stopped fucking dead!

car parked by the side of the road with its blinkers flashing and everyone brakes for it. FUCK! the hell is wrong with them?

they just decided to stop in the middle of the fucking freeway again!

holy shit, huge crash on the other side -- like, fucking scorched, fire everywhere. i wonder what happened. no wonder we're slowing down, everyone's staring at the carnage. 'course i'm staring too, i have to admit it. holy shit.

car in front of me is an idiot, he keeps stepping on the brakes for no fuckin reason.

car in front of me, kinda two cars ahead, is trying to pass all these fucking trucks? but instead of passing at 80mph, he's going at 70, so he's taking fucking FOREVER. why don't you get out of the way so i can go ahead?

43 miles to the 152 junction, 156 to SF.

34 miles to the junction, 146 to SF, and this piece of shit car in front of me braking for no reason.

every other mile there's like a family pulled over being towed or whatever 'cause they're too fucking stupid to drive on the I-5.

137 miles to SF.

10:13 and i'm on the road again... took another little rest-stop at the rest-stop just before 152, and pretty soon i'll be off the 5 onto 152, and hopefully 2-3 hrs after that before i get home.

another big clot of cars passed and i'm kinda in the relaxed area afterwards. hopefully this'll last a while. kinda not racing like crazy this time, going 75mph, and hopefully it'll stay open.

vista point right now. but every time i'm here, it's dark. so i've never seen what's over there, because you can only get to it from the northbound side, and every single time i get here it's night. one of these days, i will come here by day and see what it's all about.

126 miles to SF.

a little bit of peace. i'm up in the hills already, still on the I-5, and i can see the stars overhead. 10:30pm.

about ready to leave the I-5 now, for 152. spent, what, a total of... when did i get on this road? 5pm? spent a total of 5.5 hrs on this road. you have to take out the 2 hrs of so i spent taking pitstops. about 3.5 hrs on this road, which is about right. so now i'm getting off, 152 to the west, and then 101, and home.

--

CA-152 West:

it's actually pretty empty tonight. that's nice. a lot freer breathing.

love this song: solid sessions' janeiro. friend of mine gave it to me. kinda reminded her of this scene i just played -- night driving, drove out to the countryside, made love in the front seat. and there was a sense of distance to the scene, which i suppose is what this song reflects. by day this place i'm driving through is beautiful. at night you can't see much, just shadows of mtns, stars. still beautiful, though. sorta desolate. this is a good drive.

stars overhead are very, very bright. oh, this is a great drive. 2 on 2 highway. here it's pretty empty. i really wanna stop somewhere and look at the stars. they're brilliant. i can see orion, shooting his bow. and there's so many other stars out there, because there's no light around for miles and miles. this is pure driving pleasure.

top of this thing now, coastal range. going down now. scenic route, but all i can see are the stars overhead -- but that's worth a look anyway.

everyone's going like 90mph, buncha mad dogs in these mtns.

2 lane highway through the garlic fields (laughs).

now i see in front of me the valley between the coastal range and the diablo range. 2-lane highway through farmlands and lots of trees, a very bay-area type of farm. not the sprawling plains of the central valley, but a more cloistered farmland.

shit, almost back to civilization! 101 just ahead!

--

101 North:

11:07, i'm on the 101 north. pretty familiar turf to me. i think i'll set it at 85mph and just let it ride. friday was, how many days ago? 4 days ago? came down this very road. feels like no time passed at all, feels like i never went anywhere. feels like this is just one of those vent-drives i have when i drive down to salinas or wherever i might go, and just come back again. but in the middle i've been down to the desert, been down to through valley. been to a place where it's a hundred degrees during the day. 60 degrees here, right now, at night. very different. hard to swallow, the idea that i've been so far from home and come all the way back again. this is the final stretch. i'm almost there. i'm very fucking tired. i don't know if i'll do this again -- oh, hell, of course i will.

i'm in san jose city limits, 11:17. usually, on my vent-drives, this is where i go, aw man, because this is where i turn back. this is probably the first time i've come up this road and went hell yeah, finally.

now i can see the glow of the bay area, lighting up the sky. after the whole evening running in darkness, it's a welcome sight.

sooner or later you make the realization that every mile you take is one closer to home, whether you're heading forward or back.

101 north, San Francisco: something about that sign is beautiful.

52 miles to SF.

unbelievable, i just opened the window and it's cold outside.

full circle: i've gone all the way through my mp3s and started again. think i'm not gonna complain about SF being hot for a LONG time. nothing can be hotter than palm springs.

11:39. i wanna make it home before midnight.

11:43, and i'm getting off the freeway. goodbye, 101. going home to san fran.

everything looks very familiar. almost there.

[listening to frou frou, shh] this song reminds me of getting 198 getting on the 5, trying to figure out wtf they're saying. stopping at a rest station to eat a bit, keep listening after, still don't get it. don't ask me about it. is it about sex? i think everything's about sex.

going home: the only thing on my mind now. going home.

now, i'm about to get off the main road. so it looks like... this trip takes me 1.5 tanks of gas each way. start out full, refuel at buttonwillow when i'm at 1/4 tank left. by the time i get to palm springs i'm at 1/4 tank again. coming back up, refuel at palm springs, again at buttonwillow.

all right, turning onto [my street]! everything looks the way i left it. okay, lemme park.

amazingly, my favorite parking spot is actually open, so that's very nice.

i am home! 11:49. i have driven a grand total of 974.5 miles. song right now is frou frou, shh. so now i'm just gonna close things up, go home. so here's me, signing off until the next long roadtrip, whenever that might be.

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