daydream!

heh, so...

pissiness at bri is over. i remembered something totally small and dumb and all my anger just evaporated like so much isopropanol on a hot day. earlier today i bought a pack of orbit gum and i've never bought it before and i was opening it wrong - i was basically trying to tear it open by brute force - and she reached over, so earnest and not at ALL condescending, really trying to help, and was like, "Oh...! Damon, here, like this: you open this flap? And then to close it? You push it in here."

oh man, it was just so sweet. heh. fwp! there went the anger.

also helpful was rereading some old diary rants. though... heh. in the HUNGRY!!! one? i mentioned something like never being able to daydream vividly.

it was true then.

it is SO not true anymore.

so - on the way back from palm springs over thxgiving - did i mention i went to palm springs to hang out with old, old high school friends from san diego, now scattered all over the country, over thxgiving? well, i'm mentioning it now: it was AWESOME. a week of bachelor partying in my best friend's parents' sprawling palm springs almost-mansion. staying up all night, drinking til the room spun and then calling those few friends that didn't make it to the reunion to let them know what they were missing out on, trying to cook our own turkey, running out for breakfast at IHOP's at 7am WITHOUT HAVING SLEPT THE NIGHT BEFORE... watching movies at all hours, driving around, hanging out, just... hanging out, like in the good ol' days - oh man. it was glorious. like being 17 again.

anyway. digression.

on the way back from palm springs, i was physically and mentally exhausted, hung over, and heavily influenced by having watched bits of X-men on TV the night before while guzzling massive quantities of vodka.

annnnd i had a very vivid daydream.

(heh. NC-17 part ahead.)

about fucking famke janssen.

and. omfg. it was SO FUCKING HOT.

so there's me, sitting on the tiny puddlejumper between palm springs and LA before i transferred to the 737 from LA to SF - 40 minutes flight, NOISY AS HELL, and i was sitting on the single-seat aisle on the left of the plane, eyes shut, trying to sleep but unable to recline cuz we were taking off, so my mind was just wandering, and somehow, SOMEHOW, it just touched on famke janssen.

(for those not in the know, she's jean grey in x-men. yeeeah. her. lithe and lean with those mmm mmm ENDLESS legs and that wonderfully ...danish? was she danish? well, north-euro-but-not-too-north face. gaaahh. she's so fine.)

and, i can't even remember what it was. just kinda like an idea that flitted in and out of my mind. and next thing i know i'm like, picturing this, right, picturing HER. then i'm picturing her... NAKED. annnnd i was like, hell, while i'm at it, HEH.

and it got outta hand from there on out.

not gonna go into (too much) detail, but: heh. yeah. those laaaiggs sliding around my ribs and up my back. and the way the shadows fell across her face in the darkness. the way her eyes looked close-up. arching of the neck, her one hand on my jaw, her other on my chest, up against the wall - daayum. it was just amazing how much detail was crammed in there, all vivid-sharp, sharper, in fact, than in real life because - let's face it - when you're getting it on with a gorgeous woman in real life, you don't have the presence of mind to focus on the way she looks close-up, the way those eyes shut and then open, glimmer, the crystal-clear/dark-fuzzy way she was licking her lips.

daydream = COOL.

and the most incredible thing was - it was semiautonomous, the daydream. i mean things happened that surprised me a bit, and that's important in sex (even imaginary sex), to stay surprise-able. but at the same time, i had enough control over the whole daydream to, say, change positions. or kinda just fade out and fade in on a totally different scenario. not to mention, i could kinda pause the action at a point, skip back to an earlier favorite-point, and replay that before going on with the previous one.

it was like directing my own personal softcore porn, man. it KICKED ASS. i was so damn disappointed when the plane suddenly jolted down at LAX. i hadn't gotten to the end yet! there was a stretch left to go and i wasn't done yet! and i tried to pick up the thread again, later, but somehow i always either fell asleep first, or my mind wandered elsewhere.

i think to daydream, you need to almost be meditating. sitting, not lying down. and in a certain tired/but not ready to sleep state of mind where your imagination takes on a certain coherent clarity.

--oh hell, just look at me trying to turn this LUSTFUL RAMBLE into a philosophical discussion! i can practically hear my id calling: give in, damon! embrace the primitive, grunting lust!

I DAYDREAMED ABOUT FUCKING FAMKE JANSSEN AND IT WAS FUCKING FANTASTIC!

...thank you, and have a good evening.